The Learning of a Word

I've been thinking lately about the process my brain seems to follow in the learning of a new word in my second language.

There are times that I see or hear a word and know [almost] without a doubt that I have never seen or heard it before.  So it is explained to me, and I write it down, and later I look it up in the dictionary, and I stick it in a mental file.

By now I am learning many words that are not used every day.  So one day I may be reading a new lesson, and I come to a word.  Something niggles in the back of my brain, like I've heard that before, but I haven't the foggiest idea what it means.  So it is explained to me again, and I write it down, and later I look it up in the dictionary, and I say, "Now don't forget this time."

But weeks may go by, and the word never comes up in conversation or reading.  Then one day we meet again, and my brain niggles even harder, and I know I should know that word, but it just won't quite come to me.  So I give up trying to find the right file, and it is explained to me again, and I say, "Ah, yes...now I remember!"  And I go through the whole process again.

The next time I see or hear the word, I stop and think.  "I know that word," I say.  And if I think long enough, I remember.  Aha.

One day I am speaking, and I need That Exact Word, but for the life of me I can't remember what it is.  Grr.  So I stumble and stammer, and try out some sounds that may be a part of the word, and they listen and guess, and eventually they figure out what I want to say and help me out.  "Yes!  That one!" I say.

But you know, eventually there comes a day when I rattle off a tale, and at the end I realize that I used That Word, and I didn't even think about it.  Aahh...I believe it is now learned.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The other week I had the privilege of telling someone the Christmas story in detail.  "Have you ever heard that story before?" I asked.  "No," was her reply.  And I found myself being fresh amazed in the telling.

Several days later, she walked out of my life.  And I wonder.  Will we meet again?  Will she remember that story, and the one about Jesus' death and resurrection, and the chapters we read together about how God created her with design, and the verses about how much He loves her?

So when I was thinking recently about the learning of a word, I thought also about the learning of a story, the learning of a truth.

Maybe she won't remember it all.  But I know from experience that it will be somewhere there in her mental files niggling away, and when she meets up with the Story again, it will be round two in the process, and she will remember more, and it will fit together more, make more sense.

Is it a waste of my teacher's time, the first time I meet a word and she explains it, if I don't actually remember it?  No, because if I don't hear it the first time, then the second time will be the first time, and the building blocks won't build.

So I will keep on filing words away, knowing they'll become fixtures in my communicating some day.

And I will keep on telling the Story, keep on introducing the Truth, because I have faith that it will be stored away in the hearer and used as a starting point.  I have faith in the Keeper of all mind and spirit files.

Love Never Fails

What do you do with it when you've been investing and teaching and listening and overlooking faults and giving--loving--and then you suddenly discover that the one you've been offering this all to has been taking advantage of your patience and love and has flown straight against all your expectations and their commitments?

What did I do with it? I labelled it. FAILED.

My goal in ministry is to give Jesus the opportunity to love and pursue people through my flesh and blood, and to give them the opportunity to be introduced to Jesus and be birthed into a new life and lifestyle. My days consist of weighing what that love looks like in the moment. I regularly run up against situations that call for a decision between mercy and justice, between tender and tough. Many times I don't know what's best, but I ask God for guidance, and I try...oh, I try.

So when the realization of this "betrayal" came, I was left grappling with a sense of failure. I'd been made a fool of. I was trying to be patient, trying to assume the best even when I didn't always quite believe what I was being told, trying to "speak straight" when I needed to...trying to love. But apparently I was being naive and blind and I should have caught on to all this and I blew it.

Then Jesus started talking. This happens to Him all the time! He loves and gives and has mercy and disciplines and forgives and is patient. He can't be deceived, like I was. But more times than not, people take the gifts and ignore Him completely. Or even receive the salvation He offers, but then make light of the commitment they made in return and pay little attention to His expectations for them.

Is He failing? No, that's impossible. He's loving big...loving God-style.

He led me to His definitions. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures (perseveres) all things.

Was I too patient? No, He said...that's what love does. Was I naive and blind to accept the stories given? No, love believes all things. Are some cases hopeless? No, love hopes. Should I give up on this one? No, love perseveres.

And then He summarized.

Love never fails.

Perhaps more than I've realized, I've looked at that as saying that love will always succeed in bringing about the desired results, and niggling in the back of my mind has been a doubt whether that can really be true. Or at the least, there's an assumption back there that if the results don't come, then I must not be loving well.

But no, He says. Love never fails. Whatever love I give succeeds. It can't fail, because God is love and love is of God. It might not bring the sum total results I want to see, but each "love wave" I send out succeeds, because that's all that love is capable of doing.

I can keep on loving if I can see it as following His model of risk, rather than fearing failure.

I want to learn to love more like Christ. I want to grow, to love more perfectly.

But underlying it all, He tells me, "That wasn't failing...that was loving, My style."